Is it just me or do I take everything way to seriously? I think I need to lighten up a bit, but I don't really remember how to do that. I think I burned up all my "lighten up" brain cells in college and now all I have left is the cynical ones.
I am looking forward to a concert some friends of mine are putting on at the Royal Theatre in Fairview, OK on July 14th. It will be the reunion and possibly also the final performance of "Jebb Stewart". The best rock band ever in my opinion. This was the band that we all partied with and vicariously dreamed about stardom through while we were drinking our way through "college". It will be a bitter sweet time to hear all the music again and to ponder the past and the possibility that it is all coming to an end. My friend Justin even made some T-shirts that are pretty cool, you can pick one up at http://www.zazzle.com/stonefunk if that is something that interests you, you can also come to the show on the 14th of July, only $5.00 to get in, click here for a map to the Royal.
The band really didn't turn out the way we dreamed it would, but never-the-less it left and unforgettable impact on my life and on the lives of many others who were charmed by the music, who basked in the richness of the relationships developed because of the band, and who were also often seduced by the fleeting promises of the rock and roll dream. Sometimes I long to return to those days. When the ruts of daily life seem to repeatedly roll me over and the unrealistic expectations of everyone around me start piling up like manure at a feed yard, I'll admit I find myself day dreaming of the time in my life when I was totally satisfied with chasing that sweet smoky dream of the perpetual party.
I'm sure there are several theological statements in there, and several more statements as to my own failings as a person and as a follower of Christ, but once again I've found myself to be the cynic, even while reflecting on the glorious past.
It sucks that the empty promises of sex, drugs, and rock and roll are so very alluring, because they really are, and that the fullness of Christ is so repugnant in it's most common method of presentation (denominational legalistic religion). I read about missionaries and scholars and preachers who really seem to get it, and I really long to be able to live like they do, where I can take refuge in God, and not in the cheap gluttonous memories of my past jaunts of hedonism.
But instead I forge ahead in my quest to "make a living" while the living part of life sometimes seem to be relegated to the hazy memories of a rock band that never made it. The folly of chasing after sin, and the struggle of turning away from it, all while trying to be a good Christian, a good husband, a good dad, a real man...
Thursday, June 28, 2007
I think I lit up all my lighten up
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3 comments:
As a fellow Jebb Head (how did we miss that title in college, oh well). I too can say that I miss the days of holding onto the side of the house to keep from flying off the face of the planet. I'd be lying if I said that I wouldn't like to experience that stuff again. I'd love to go to the concert, and am doing my best to get there.
I'm not quite as bleak as Dax is on this issue though. I more look at that as a fun phase of my life and something that I'm truly blessed to have experienced. That rock 'n roll dream that we were chasing was a lot of fun. Even if it was an illusion, it was a great illusion and I'm thankful to have gotten a chance to live even a little bit of that lifestyle.
Now, I am a christian/husband/dad. Those times are behind me now, but I'm happy with this new phase of life too. In this one I get the chance to cherish my wife and daughter and have fun in different ways and chase different dreams. I can't say that they're as appealing as the rock star, but who was I kidding? I was never going to be a rock star.
In this phase of life I also do what I can to pass on nuggets of wisdom and the values of christianity to my daughter (almost 3 years old). I do my best to enjoy these moments and create them as often as possible. It might be hiking in the rocky mountains (I live in CO), going for a jog with her in the stroller, fishing, the zoo, or even just sitting around and joking at the dinner table or watching TV.
I guess my point is, there are phases of life. The best you can do, in my opinion, is live each phase to its fullest. I'm not sure what the next phase in my life will bring, but I'm sure it will have its rewards and its tribulations. All I can do is keep going and doing the best I can to live to what I believe.
I don't regret, nor do I see any purpose in regretting, things I've done in the past. I look at those things as things that have helped to mold me into the person that I am today. The college/Jebb Stewart thing certainly had a role in shaping a part of me and I'm glad to have experienced it.
I recently had a close relative pass away unexpectedly and left behind a wife and 2 young boys. It made me stop and take stock of my own life. What I realized after a few weeks of mourning is that really you don't know when you might go. All you can really do is try and live your life the best that you know how and live each day to the fullest. I think if you do that you'll probably make mistakes along the way, but hopefully you'll be able to look back one day and say "wow, I made a difference!"
Don't me wrong, I do enjoy my family and receive much more from them in terms of happiness than the rock and roll dream ever afforded. Julie especially is awesome because she just puts up with me and continues to be an anchor (in a good way) for our family. I'm in a bit of a rut now, probably because it's been hard to make any good friends here in elk city. Nothing like the string of friendships I have been blessed with through Jebb Stewart, and my friends at FBC Fairview. There is a lot added to life with good rich friendships.
Dude, get out of Elk City! One thing that Nora constantly reminds me of is, "Never run from something, run to something." If you feel that you need a change, make a change. Figure out where you want to go and what you want to do and then do it. Potential with out action is a waste. I think I basically just brutalized one of my favorite verses (James 1:22), but you get the point.
To further misquote a wise man, grab the wheel and pull yourself back onto the road and out of the ditch of stupidity."
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